Monday, March 21, 2011
Nearly a year has past...
WOW! I knew I had stepped away from trying to blog, But has nearly an entire year passed by? I guess it has. Now to consider to try again or give up completely...
Monday, April 5, 2010
Spring
Okay, so I am REALLY bad at this blog thing. and yet I am back....
Not much to share. Besides we made it through the holidays and now we are at the start of spring break.....So far it has been a very busy break, with more & more activities being added by the moment. Hey, The boys are only young once, right?!
I have been having a fabulous time with new (old actually, but new to me) techniques, mostly from Tim Holtz. It seems to be slowly bring me out of my block. Which is fantastic. I feel like I have been treading water for the last few years, just trying to keep my head above water. That I have completely lost who I am and what I enjoy....to be creative. to work with my hands, get dirty and make something beautiful. Don't get me wrong I am a wife & mother and that is VERY important. but somewhere in there I made that my only priority and lost myself a bit.
Now to find "me" again....
Not much to share. Besides we made it through the holidays and now we are at the start of spring break.....So far it has been a very busy break, with more & more activities being added by the moment. Hey, The boys are only young once, right?!
I have been having a fabulous time with new (old actually, but new to me) techniques, mostly from Tim Holtz. It seems to be slowly bring me out of my block. Which is fantastic. I feel like I have been treading water for the last few years, just trying to keep my head above water. That I have completely lost who I am and what I enjoy....to be creative. to work with my hands, get dirty and make something beautiful. Don't get me wrong I am a wife & mother and that is VERY important. but somewhere in there I made that my only priority and lost myself a bit.
Now to find "me" again....
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sunday nights...
So, as you can tell I am not good at this blog thing...I haven't completely given up, yet.
It is Sunday night once again. The weekend has passed in a whirlwind. I briefly saw my husband sometime over the weekend, I think. I sit here alone, unable to sleep, deep in thoughts that I probably shouldn't be dwelling on, missing my husband in spite of his behavior towards me this evening, worrying about my dog, and stressed over the upcoming holiday.
Sunday night is the hardest night of the week for me. I get a small moment of calm before the storm of the coming week. The calm is nice. I sit with my dog at my feet and my cat on my lap. My little boys sleeping like angels. However, I am reminded of how alone I feel most nights (and a lot of days) because of Jeff's work schedule. I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. I hate that we face things alone most of the time, as if we live separate lives, only reside in the same house. Most days I feel like his alarm clock more than his wife. He comes home, informs me what time he would like me to wake him, and goes to sleep. Hours pass, I wake him, we talk a bit, have dinner(about 4:00 pm), maybe run an errand, and he is off to work again. next day same thing... I know this is tough on him too. I wish things could be different. I can't even begin to imagine what a "normal" life would be like.
lately, I feel about a week behind where I need to be, with more and more things being added to the daily list and less and less time to get them done. Worse is the feeling that I can't find Christmas this year. I usually LOVE this season. I look forward to Christmas. I would get a certain sense of joy from just walking through the Christmas aisles at stores. I love decorating the house. I love my home at Christmas, it has always had a comforting feel this time of year. Hanging the ornaments on the tree, remembering the memories that go with those ornaments. Seeing the excitement in my sons' eyes. The first snow...all things that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling I look forward to. No matter how hard the year has been, Christmas is always a magical time. To be thankful and appreciate the simple joys in life...
This year I don't feel any of it. I just feel overwhelmed and desperate to feel the comfort I would normal experience. Everything feels wrong this year. I hope I can change it.
It is Sunday night once again. The weekend has passed in a whirlwind. I briefly saw my husband sometime over the weekend, I think. I sit here alone, unable to sleep, deep in thoughts that I probably shouldn't be dwelling on, missing my husband in spite of his behavior towards me this evening, worrying about my dog, and stressed over the upcoming holiday.
Sunday night is the hardest night of the week for me. I get a small moment of calm before the storm of the coming week. The calm is nice. I sit with my dog at my feet and my cat on my lap. My little boys sleeping like angels. However, I am reminded of how alone I feel most nights (and a lot of days) because of Jeff's work schedule. I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. I hate that we face things alone most of the time, as if we live separate lives, only reside in the same house. Most days I feel like his alarm clock more than his wife. He comes home, informs me what time he would like me to wake him, and goes to sleep. Hours pass, I wake him, we talk a bit, have dinner(about 4:00 pm), maybe run an errand, and he is off to work again. next day same thing... I know this is tough on him too. I wish things could be different. I can't even begin to imagine what a "normal" life would be like.
lately, I feel about a week behind where I need to be, with more and more things being added to the daily list and less and less time to get them done. Worse is the feeling that I can't find Christmas this year. I usually LOVE this season. I look forward to Christmas. I would get a certain sense of joy from just walking through the Christmas aisles at stores. I love decorating the house. I love my home at Christmas, it has always had a comforting feel this time of year. Hanging the ornaments on the tree, remembering the memories that go with those ornaments. Seeing the excitement in my sons' eyes. The first snow...all things that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling I look forward to. No matter how hard the year has been, Christmas is always a magical time. To be thankful and appreciate the simple joys in life...
This year I don't feel any of it. I just feel overwhelmed and desperate to feel the comfort I would normal experience. Everything feels wrong this year. I hope I can change it.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
"Today I am thankful for..."
I started to do the "today I am thankful for..." on FB and it's only day two. It said the more days you do it the harder it gets. Yesterday was like a freebie because it was veterans day,so of course, I was thankful for them and those men & women serving today. Today I was thankful for my sons, even though Connor woke me before 4 am, and Connor& Caden expect me to make 50 "churkey" cookies for their classes the week of Thanksgiving, but it's going to be hard to find all the ingredients needed since they take autumn candies and now all the stores have moved into Christmas....Maybe the boys will end up with some festive (red & green) "churkey" cookies. I really love doing all the little things to make my boys happy, even if it means running all over town looking for ingredients!
ok, so I got off on another thought, back to the "Today I am thankful for..." thing... I already think it is hard, and it is only day two. Not that I don't have a long list of things I am thankful for but, I feel as if I have to explain why I am thankful for the things that I am. And in that, I find it hard to write the words in that little status box and try to get them right, the whole time feeling as if they are about to be judged. It's really kinda hard just putting it all out there, ya know? and the status box is such limitation. one that I am sometimes happy for, but still a limitation all the same. On the other hand, to write the the reasons makes you think more about why your thankfull and in turn you appreciate it so much more.
FYI - "churkey" is the adorable way Cade says turkey. I have always loved this.
ok, so I got off on another thought, back to the "Today I am thankful for..." thing... I already think it is hard, and it is only day two. Not that I don't have a long list of things I am thankful for but, I feel as if I have to explain why I am thankful for the things that I am. And in that, I find it hard to write the words in that little status box and try to get them right, the whole time feeling as if they are about to be judged. It's really kinda hard just putting it all out there, ya know? and the status box is such limitation. one that I am sometimes happy for, but still a limitation all the same. On the other hand, to write the the reasons makes you think more about why your thankfull and in turn you appreciate it so much more.
FYI - "churkey" is the adorable way Cade says turkey. I have always loved this.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Halloween
There is such excitement in the air in my home this morning. We have just finished the carving of the jack o' lantern's and the boys are running all over the house unable to contain their excitement for this day. Although Halloween is not my favorite holiday. It is fun to get in a festuve mood.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lovin' this season
Autumn has long been my favorite season...Cool crisp breeze, warm cozy sweaters, hot spiced cider, pumpkins, and the leaves. By far, the leaves are my most favorite. Not only are they beautiful, there is more...they symbolize change. The inevitable change that comes with each passing moment. No matter how much you may try to stop it, or stress over it, change is happening every second on some level... I for one have never been fond of change, I stubbornly hold steadfast to my own agenda, the way I feel things should go. I need to learn to relax and let go and just enjoy the moments, appreciate the absolute beauty in everything around me. Autumn is a little reminder that change no matter how small can be worth the fear, stress or even pain.
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